I felt new, I felt free, I felt God.

The testimony I had written for AndrewPeters and his ministry.

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The very first Awakening Conference I went to, I did not want to be there. My husband was going after being invited by a few friends and asked if I would join him. A few minutes after telling him that I did not want to go, a weird guilty feeling rose up.  My husband and I were in the process of adopting my younger sisters, putting our entire hearts and faith into the situation. April 25^th, 2011 we received word that the adoption had fell through, crushing all of my faith. April 29^th, 2011 I walked into ‘The Gate’ not knowing what I was getting myself into. I sat there, not enjoying myself all throughout praise and worship. As Andrew walked up to begin his sermon, he looked around the room with a pain in his eyes. The pain in his eyes seemed to match the very own in my heart as I set there. Some of the very first words which came out of his mouth I will never forget. “As I look around this room tonight, I see someone here that has a huge cloud hanging over their head. This dark gray cloud just hovering above them full of pain, however, I’m not going to point them out.” I was sitting in the very back row, all the way in the corner beside my husband. I felt as if I was the only person in the room as he spoke those words. After a few minutes of pretending not to listen I noticed myself getting deep into the lesson God had provided Andrew to give that night. My heart was feeling extremely heavy as the lesson continued. I wanted to cry, however I had forbidden myself to cry. I wanted to scream. I held it in. That night when Andrew gave the alter call, I was holding back not wanting to walk to the front. After noticing everyone in the room standing in the front, I went down and took my place beside my husband. As soon as Andrew made his way to Bobby and asked him a simple question, I lost it. I starting crying harder then I had ever let myself. Bobby had told him the situation and he began praying for both of us. While he was praying, I quietly gave my life back to Christ. All I could keep shouting was “I cannot do this by myself, God I need you.”

April 30^th, 2011. The second night of the first conference, I was eager to attend. I enjoyed the praise and worship, I also enjoyed the lesson. Andrew began praying for injuries and illnesses, and Bobby placed his hand on my shoulder asking me if I would like to be prayed for. I was skeptic at first then realized that I needed to place my faith fully in Christ. I went up and whispered to Jeannie that I would like to be prayed for. I wanted to be healed from asthma and migraines, which I had both my entire life. As Andrew began praying for me, he asked me to take a deep breath in and release it several times. While praying and breathing myself, I noticed a change in my breathing. I felt as if I was getting cleaner oxygen and more of it into my lungs than ever before; not only that, I felt as if I completely had a new set of lungs. I also told him I suffered from migraines for quite some time. I had a constant one in the back of my head that I had just learned to live with because it never went away. Andrew placed his thumb and middle finger gently on each side of my forehead and began praying. I also began praying with him asking for God to relieve the pain. As soon as he removed his fingers, I felt the healing. It was a wonderful feeling and something that I will never take for granted. I felt new, I felt free, I felt God. 

From that start my relationship with God begin to take off faster than imagined, I wanted to learn more, I wanted to pray more, I just wanted more! I had battled so much, from deep depression, anxiety attacks, self harm, and a few other addictions. Every step closer to God I had gone, Satan dragged me back two by bringing back old feelings, old memories, or old temptations. I asked God to take a look at my heart and mind and to ‘take out all the trash’ and to make me new. I was raised in an abusive home, afraid to share true feelings and thoughts. I ran from anything that seemed to help me in the long run. I went to church, where my family and I ‘played’ church. None of our church family knew our home life or how I was hurting inside. The church we attended, taught us from a young age that women were suppose to remain silent in the church. My only release was inflicting pain to myself, not wanting to cause anyone else pain by sharing my own. After a few years, and gaining more and more scars I decided to seek help. I spent every morning of my sophomore year of high school in the school counselors’ office showing him my new scars from the night before. After several months of him telling me that he was going to have to call someone to report the injuries, I walked into his office once more and just began crying. Later that day when I got home from school, my pastor, youth pastor, grandmother, and a social worker were sitting in the front room waiting for me. 

In the past 6 months God has shown me; that I have a voice, freedom from worldly things, freedom to forgive, and total freedom! God not only gave us a voice to praise and honor him, but to also share him! He wants to tell others of how wonderful, how powerful, and how merciful he is. We have a responsibility to tell the world how he was placed on this earth to die on the Cross to pay for OUR sins! In Matthew 6, verse 24 talks about comparing worldly things to God. It reads “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; or you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” I used to worry so much about if I had enough money, if I would fit into that crowd of people, or if I liked the same thing they did. Most of those things that the ‘in’ crowds were doing were not for Christ nor were they Christ-Like. I have learned that Christ accepts all, especially those who feel broken and incomplete. 

The freedom to forgive was a hard one for me to grasp until I read Ephesians 4:32. (Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.) Understanding the power of true forgiveness will surely change the way you both look and feel about it.  Being able to look at the man who caused the death of your father and knowing in your heart that you have forgiven him is truly amazing. Not holding any feeling other then mercy and love towards him, is a warming feeling when you can understand God also looks at you that way. When I talk about total freedom, I am talking about realizing the cause of my depressing thoughts. Being able to take a deep breath without coughing and becoming short of breath from asthma symptoms. Watching my depression medication go into the trash and knowing I will never need them again. Praying that prayer of faith, and knowing I am no longer alone. Watching the self-inflicted scars from my past vanish from my skin. Placing my hand on someone in need of prayer and lifting my voice to the Lord, praying in faith. 

I am not perfect nor will I ever claim to be, but I do know God is with me. I know the hunger I have for His Word, His Glory, and His Love will never vanish as I continue to grow. I know that Satan does not have the authority to attack me or the people I love and care for. I also know that God can take the damaged and broken little girl who wants to end her life and turn her into a beautiful and mighty warrior for Christ. What can God do for you? 

Check out Andrew Peters and Remnant Rising http://www.theremnantrising.com/index.php